29 May, 2010
IDIOT SIGHTINGS When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING: My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' From Kingman , KS IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE : My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. -- From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Birmingham , Ala. IDIOT SIGHTING : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She's a probation officer in Wichita , KS IDIOT SIGHTING : At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments. ; IDIOT SIGHTING : I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less. How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a" Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE Lay - a?? NO Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha", When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this, please remember to pronounce the - . If da ax u y, tl dm d - don b silen. Nice tawkn 2 u ! I gota - cus Im l8 ! Bi ! Frank
22 May, 2010
Did you know that the United States of America is supposed to be a constitutional republic, and not just a democracy? BTW, the proper name is the United States of America, abbreviated US of A or USA. NOT "America"!!! We LIVE ON the (NORTH) American CONTINENT, but it is NOT our TRUE name. Just a reminder. I'm seeing it more & more in news everywhere, "America" "America" "America" - not "USA"! Maybe we don't deserve the name USA anymore. Maybe we're too busy policing the world, building this "empire" that we have no right to build, while neglecting ourselves, and our own. Can you imagine what we could do if the massive dollars thrown down the Pentagon's empty pockets was spent on rebuilding our dying infrastructure? Updating our antiquated electrical grid? Fixing our dangerous bridges? Bringing our railway system up to standard? Fixing our dying water systems in our major cities? Fixing our own homeless hungry population? We have the money - we just spend it on intangibles - Afghanistan, Iran, worldwide army bases. We have more military bases, and embassies, around the world, than any other country! WHY? Because we're the "remaining superpower"? I have a news flash for us - we lost THAT a LONG time ago. And even so, even if we were, how is that grounds for justifying such worldwide degenerate squandering? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constitutional_republic
18 May, 2010
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report That her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she Explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've Stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and Even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes Later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !! ________________________________________________________________________ Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house Together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts Her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come Up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is Sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her Sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I Never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then Yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! ________________________________________________________________________ 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!' Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf One fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, Isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a Nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of Her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to An elderly man in a wheelchair.. Flipping her gown at him, She said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment Or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the Soup.' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! ____________________________________________________________________ Now this one is just too Precious...LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over The years, they had shared all kinds of activities and Adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to Meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the Other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know We've been friends for a long time, but I just can't Think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I Can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.. Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she Just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How Soon do you need to know?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _______________________________________________________________________ SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car Phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice Urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news That there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! _________________________________________________________________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both Could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising Along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, But they just went on through. The woman in the passenger Seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could Have sworn we just went Through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection And the light was red. Again, they went right through. The Woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light Had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red And they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman And said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran Through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us Both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?' TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
16 May, 2010
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally.... I assumed you had stolen the car.''
10 May, 2010
Door: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Hurry up, (my Poodle) FiFi! Answer the door for Daddy! Okay, then with Daddy! Oh, it's a 13-year old Munchkin, Rikkii Roo, come bearing Sugar Free Gifts of Delicious Candy for your Daddy, from your Aunt Pam! Oh, yum, yum, yum! No, FiFi, you can't have any! No!